


Anything you say can and will be held against you (so only say my name)

by goodbyelover



Series: Grand Theft Autumn [2]
Category: GOT7
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Character Study, Hopeful Ending, Im Jaebum | JB-Centric, Introspection, Light Angst, M/M, Pining, Pre-Relationship, Time Skips, shownu/jaebum still a thing but still also not the focus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-10
Updated: 2020-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:55:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23087386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goodbyelover/pseuds/goodbyelover
Summary: Jaebum can’t shake the feeling that he is immobile, like he’s suspended where neither fickle breeze nor fateful gale could find him. It’s an intense, suffocating feeling that sets his stomach roiling, and he speeds his pace, as if he can outrun the feeling.He doesn't think about Choi Youngjae.Or: It's been two years but Jaebum hasn't gotten anywhere.A sequel toWhere is your boy tonight, I hope he is a gentleman
Relationships: Choi Youngjae/Im Jaebum | JB
Series: Grand Theft Autumn [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1648117
Comments: 8
Kudos: 37





	Anything you say can and will be held against you (so only say my name)

**Author's Note:**

> The sequel has arrived! Title taken from Fall Out Boy's 'Just One Yesterday' to continue on that train.
> 
> Beta'd by the ever lovely @maricolous ♥

“Popcorn?” Hyunwoo offers as he opens the movie theater’s door for Jaebum.

“Sure,” Jaebum agrees, content enough to have the night off, to have a date with Hyunwoo, and he smiles as Hyunwoo heads to the concession stand. It’s been a pretty quiet week between work and classes and Jaebum wants to soak up as much relaxation as he can when he has a moment.

  
A moment that doesn’t last very long because the first thing Hyunwoo says when he gets back is, “Hey, guess who I ran into at the stand? The Chois! You remember Youngjae, right?!” 

“Really?” Jaebum says, thinks he does a decent job of sounding appropriately interested, even as his brain screeches to a rather abrupt halt. 

Hyunwoo nods as he hands Jaebum his popcorn, grinning blithely as he does. “Yeah. They said they were doing pretty good.”

“That’s great.” Jaebum feels like his palms are soaking up all the grease from the bag of popcorn and clutches it closer to him. “Cool.”

“I wonder what he’s up to these days,” Hyunwoo muses as he loops his arm around Jaebum’s waist. “Oh! We should go sit down.”

Jaebum lets Hyunwoo lead him into the theater and does not think about Choi Youngjae.

***

**To: J★eb♥m**

wanna grab thai with the guys tonight??

**To: Hyunwoo**

sure

There’s only so many places to eat out in town, and Jaebum has worked at the diner long enough that he’s reluctant when Hyunwoo still wants to eat there, which means that they end up in the one Thai restaurant the town has to offer frequently enough that the aunties squeal with delight and give them extra tea and sides.

One of his friends is recounting some tinder woes of his brother’s when one of the aunties drops off a shredded cucumber salad.

It’s really just a salad, simple and straightforward, but Jaebum stares at it for a good ten seconds before he points at it with his chopsticks. “Are you going to eat that?” he asks, with an ease or familiarity that does not belong in this situation.

“Nah man,” one of his friends says as he pushes the bowl towards Jaebum. “It’s all yours.”

It feels like a big accident, but the conversation continues without much pause and Hyunwoo doesn’t seem to have even noticed.

Jaebum steals a bite of the shredded cucumber salad and does not think about Choi Youngjae.

***

“Have you thought about transferring to a better university?” his mother asks him over dinner.

Jaebum represses the heaviest sigh. They have this conversation every other week or so, since he graduated high school. She wants him to work hard and become a lawyer. Jaebum would rather shove his entire foot in his mouth. It’s been harder to dissuade her from pushing for applications – she’s even suggested going overseas, she’s heard New York City is the ticket these days!

“Mama, isn’t it better I stay close?”

“I just want what’s best for you,” she fusses. “You’re my only boy, I just want you to live a good life.”

“Mama, it’s _fine,_ ” Jaebum says hastily. It’s just not a conversation he wants to have, because he’s been focusing on his general education requirements and when he runs out of those, he’s going to have to face the fact that he doesn’t _want_ to be a lawyer and he’s not ready for that. Not with his mother, not with Hyunwoo, not with…

Not with anyone.

It is with resentment that he does not think of Choi Youngjae.

***

“Hey, Jaebum? How come you don’t come dancing anymore? You’re missing out!”

Jaebum does not think about Choi Youngjae

***

Hyunwoo drops him off after work on a Thursday and walks him to the door, like the perfect gentleman. “Text me before bed?” Hyunwoo asks, smiling, and he’s so soft and handsome and even after four years, it makes Jaebum’s heart warm.

“Yeah,” he agrees. He’ll text Hyunwoo goodnight.

Hyunwoo ducks his head down. “One for the road?” he teases as he kisses Jaebum so gently.

Jaebum’s heart thuds so hard in his chest, it nearly hurts.

It lingers painfully even after Hyunwoo’s gotten back into his car and driven away.

Jaebum texts Hyunwoo good night and does not think of Choi Youngjae.

***

Jaebum does not think about Youngjae.

Youngjae is tucked away in a box, compartmentalized away to the point where Jaebum has spent a decent amount of time over the past two years thinking about not thinking about Youngjae.

Thinking about Youngjae is…

Thinking about Youngjae is complicated and Jaebum would rather not do it. It makes Jaebum’s stomach twist, and he doesn’t want to dwell on why it’s only partly in guilt, so it’s just easier to shove him away, away into that box, tucked away as something private, something to be kept secret.

It’s easier if he doesn’t think about Youngjae at all.

***

The problem is that Jaebum thinks about Youngjae all the time.

***

It’s Saturday night before the new semester starts when it all gets to be too much. There’s no one thing that sets it off, just an amalgamation of instances that set the tone. He burns his tongue on the shitty coffee at work, they get stuck at a traffic light for ten minutes because of construction, Nora throws up on his favorite pair of pants, and Jaebum is _suffocating._

Jogging late at night is possibly the one thing he and Hyunwoo don’t share. Time and distance just don’t allow for it, or at least that’s what he tells himself. Sometimes the restlessness hits him and he’d rather be alone for it, bleeding the jitter of his body out into the pavement with each stride forward. 

He can’t shake the feeling that he is immobile, like he’s suspended where neither fickle breeze nor fateful gale could find him. It’s an intense, suffocating feeling that sets his stomach roiling, and he speeds his pace, as if he can outrun the feeling.

It’s hard to outrun something that’s inside himself though. The very idea of Youngjae is a haunting, settling into his lungs and stealing his breath away.

He’s tried so hard to push all thoughts of Youngjae away, to tamp them down and pretend they don’t exist, because if he thinks about Youngjae, he thinks about how they had kissed, not just once, but _twice_ , and he’ll have to think about his own part in that second kiss.

It had been a fucking great kiss. 

It had been great in a way that had nothing to do with finesse or skill and just thinking back on it makes Jaebum’s stomach lurch in a way that was different from the nausea from before.

He runs until his lungs are aching with the absence of air, head spinning from the strain of the run, but also from the feverish whirlwind of his thoughts, set so off-kilter that he nearly runs into a bench before collapsing into it.

He can’t tell what makes his heart race more, the exertion or the yearning for something more.

There’s a message from Hyunwoo when he pulls his phone out from his pocket, and he swipes it away quickly, trying to stem the emotion Hyunwoo’s name makes him feel right now. It’s so different from the normal happiness, the swell of love that he usually feels for his boyfriend.

That feeling deepens when Jaebum instead tabs to his contacts, scrolls until he finds what he’s looking for.

‘ _Choi Youngjae_ ’ glows up at him.

They exchanged texts once after Youngjae had moved away, a sparse and lifeless ‘hey, how are you?’, ‘doing okay, you?’ before silence lapsed on Jaebum’s side, a purposeful action on his part, all that time ago, though he’d never gotten around to deleting Youngjae’s number all together. 

It would make sense if he had, wouldn’t it? Youngjae hadn’t been a close friend, after all, and he’d left, gone somewhere that felt so, so far away while Jaebum…

Jaebum hasn’t gone anywhere.

He’s hit the ‘call’ symbol before he can stop himself, but he doesn’t hang up immediately, allowing the call to ring. 

It’s late, nobody would pick up at this hour. (He wants Youngjae to pick up.)

Youngjae probably doesn’t want to talk to him after all this time. (He hopes Youngjae does.)

This is stupid, he should hang up. (He doesn’t hang up.)

“Hello?”

Youngjae sounds muzzy, like he just woke up, but he _answered._

“... Hi,” Jaebum says, because that’s all he can think of right now.

“Hyung?” Youngjae asks, yawns into Jaebum’s ear, and it’s such a mundane thing, but it makes something spike up Jaebum’s spine, sending all rationality out the window.

“It’s me,” Jaebum blurts out, cups the phone to his ear, because this… this is a secret, isn’t it? It always has been. 

Youngjae’s been his secret for two years, always in his thoughts, but never anywhere else. Youngjae’s name has rested heavy on his tongue, but he’s held it in, wouldn’t let it slip past his lips, until now.

“Youngjae, can I come see you?”

**Author's Note:**

> Third (and probably final) sequel in the works, but it made sense to separate them out here before we attempt a reunion, aha u_ub
> 
> Thanks for reading ♥


End file.
